in a million worlds without you I'd still think of you
by The Cinder Crown
Summary: "Within the years, a lot of good and bad people have been lost. But their memories remain forever." After the final Battle of Hogwarts, Narcissa tries to make amends with her older sister Andromeda. Together, the two women closest to the fallen Bellatrix Lestrange, recall memories of their sister before she became the possibly darkest witch of all times. COMPLETE.


**All saint and all souls event:** write from the perspective of those closest to those who have been lost **[The Golden Snitch]**

Written for Sophy as part of the ultimate fic exchange challenge, I hope you like it :)

"I really don't have time for an extensional crisis." **[Royalty Competiton]**

#C.13. Write about a character being confused slightly about their sexuality **[Scavenger Hunt]**

#19. Coeus - Write about a member of the Black family **[Greek mythology competition]**

 **Disclaimer:** the characters belong to JKR, the song 'Memories' is from 'Within Temptation'

 **words:** 2,380

* * *

 _ **This story is dedicated to my beloved Grandma, whom I still love with all my heart. She passed away far too soon and I think the day she died, a little part of me died with her. I miss her so much!**_

* * *

 _The Sisters in the Memories_

* * *

 **In this world you tried  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way  
I prayed to the gods let him stay  
The memories ease the pain inside  
Now I know why**

"May I sit down?"

"I believe there is plenty of space somewhere else, but do as you please, Narcissa," the slightly older blue eyed witch said in a cold voice, without even looking at her sister. "Me saying no never stopped you from doing something before."

It had been years – decades – since the sisters had last spoken, let alone laid eyes on each other. She had somewhat expected that her sister wouldn't be pleased to see her again, but despite all the scenarios Narcissa had imagined in her head – mainly to prepare herself for exactly this conversation – she still wasn't at all prepared for her sister's harsh words. They were distant and cold and Narcissa felt a cold shiver running down her spine.

For a moment, she didn't know what to do. Between everyone around her, between all the surviving people that were gathered together in the Great Hall, Narcissa felt like an outsider. And even though Harry Potter had sought her out to thank her for lying to the Dark Lord, it didn't feel like she really deserved it.

During their conversation she had accidently looked into his bright green eyes and was painfully reminded of a young, redheaded and equally green-eyed witch whom she still felt connected to.

Narcissa was disappointed with herself and she regretted that she hadn't done more to support the fight of the light. It was true; she had never received the Dark Mark, never actually killed for the Dark Lord, and never really wished for more than the safe-being of her son; but she hasn't stepped out of the shadows either, hasn't done enough that would help the resistance and therefore justify her acceptance amongst the others.

And deep down, the youngest Black Sister knew that she could have done something to prevent the death of so many innocents. But she simply hasn't been brave enough to disobey her husband or the Dark Lord himself. Neither was she able to completely ignore the voices of her parents, which were constantly reminding her of her blood purity and that everyone else was – as they had put it - _unworthy_. Wanting to change and actually doing it were two quite different things after all.

She sighed and let her glance wander around for a moment, only to have her heart grow even heavier when she saw several people running around, desperately searching for still missing loved ones. All of them hoping for the best – to find them alive. But Narcissa knew that deep down, they all feared for the worst – to end up mourning over the dead bodies.

Some of them had already lived through that; desperation and frustration finally started to take over, causing them to seek out comfort and support where ever they could.

Between all the dust and the dirt, between the stones that had earlier fallen from the ceiling and the remaining glass splitters from the broken windows, people were holding and comforting each other and some of them were gently covering the dead bodies of family members and friends. Seeing all this broke Narcissa's heart once more because she had been standing on the side that had caused all the pain. She was responsible for all the pain. She hadn't done anything to prevent their pain.

She couldn't take it anymore. Shaking her head, she turned slightly to face another couple of young adults on the other side of the were smiling brightly, gesturing wildly with their hands and obviously telling their friends about their heroic actions in the battle.

A small smile – the first in a long time - graced her face when she spotted Draco and the Lovegood-girl along with the famous Golden Trio and some of their other friends quietly conjuring some pillows and blankets, then carefully levitated the peacefully sleeping survivors - that had been resting on floors, and what has been left of chairs and tables - into a more comfortable position. It was probably the best sleep they had in days.

The blonde witch sighed. Sleep was something she would give anything for at the moment, but terrible nightmares constantly denied her that wish. But at least Draco was safe, which was worth a lot more than sleep. Though no matter how hard she tried, she wasn't able to get rid of the sharp, stinging and almost unbearable pain in her heart, which occurred every time memories of her family came up. _If one can even call it family,_ she thought bitter.

 **All of my memories keep you near  
In silent moments  
Imagine you'd be here  
All of my memories keep you near  
** **Your silent whispers, silent tears** _ **  
**_

She shifted nervously. She had to do something that she had wanted to do a long time ago, but so far she hasn't had the courage to really go through with it. After all, it would mean that she had to come face to face with her own past.

Taking another deep breath, Narcissa nervously sat down on the slightly burned, little bench she had been standing next to for the last couple of minutes.

Andromeda still hadn't moved, nor looked at her with a single glance. Her eyes were still focused on the dead bodies in front of her. Narcissa cringed when she saw the bright pink hair of a woman, holding the hand of her equally dead husband; matching, slim, golden wedding bands on both their hands. _Together, joined even in death,_ Narcissa thought bitter, and despite her best efforts tears started to form in her dark eyes.

The silence between the sisters was almost unbearable.

"I'm sorry. They were good people," Narcissa tried to break the ice; her voice was nothing more than a whisper. But as soon as the words had left her mouth, she wanted to take them back.

"Yes, they were," was the short, cold reply.

"They.. they didn't deserve to die," she managed to say before her voice cracked.

"No, they didn't. Nor did all the others."

Narcissa felt like someone had just stabbed a knife into her chest. She didn't know what to say. No matter what she said, she'd probably just make matters worse. Slowly she stood up, ready to leave her grieving older sister alone.

She hadn't even taken her first step when she suddenly felt a hand around her own wrist. She turned around and saw that Andromeda was still not looking at her, but it was her hand that held on to her.

"I don't know what to… _do..._ with her…" she finally said, her voice was barely more than a whisper.

Narcissa followed her glance, but she only saw exactly what she had seen before. The lifeless bodies of her niece and her husband lying on the ground.

However, before Narcissa could voice her confusion, she watched Andromeda wave her hand and instantly a concealment charm was lifted to reveal a third body.

Cissa's heart painfully clenched when she saw the wild mass of curly black hair, the black make-up around the now closed eyes, the ashen skin under the extravagant dress and finally her eyes landed on the right arm, where the Dark Mark was visible.

" _Bella…"_ Narcissa finally whispered once she found her voice again.

"I… I just couldn't leave her _there,"_ Andromeda whispered, and Narcissa immediately knew that she referred to the small, dark chamber where the bodies of all the fallen Death Eaters had been brought.

Hesitantly, the youngest Black sister sat down on the bench again.

"That's very kind of you, Meda," Cissa finally said, using her sister's nickname for the first time in years. "Considering – "

"Considering she killed hundreds of people, including my only daughter and son-in-law?" Andromeda finished the sentence, her voice as cold as ice.

Narcissa cringed, but couldn't bring herself to say anything in defense of her oldest sister. It just wouldn't be right. To the blonde's surprise, Andromeda spared her the answer and continued in a slightly softer voice.

"I want to hate her, Cissa," she whispered and for the first time she tore her teary blue eyes away from the bodies and looked directly at Narcissa. "I want to hate her for what she did to my baby girl. But despite everything, despite all the pain she caused, a part of me deep down still thinks about the Bella I used know. And I remember the sister, whom I loved with all my heart."

This time, it was Narcissa who couldn't look her sister in the eyes. She turned her head and focused on Bellatrix' lifeless body in front of them. Memories from their past started to flash before her eyes…

" _Bella, Bella, wait for me!" Eleven-year-old Narcissa screamed and once she had caught up with her older sister, she happily jumped into her open arms. "Look, Bella, my Hogwarts Letter!"_

 _Bella scooped her up in a smooth motion and twirled her around. Then she stopped, tightened her arms around her little sister and looked at the letter. "That's about time, Cissy," she laughed and put her sister back to the ground. "Slytherin House is already waiting for you."_

Andromeda's trembling voice brought her back to the present. "I really want to hate her," she repeated, and Narcissa was about to reply when she continued. "But then I remember that I am probably the one responsible that she turned into this love-despising, pureblood-worshipping monster."

Narcissa shook her head vehemently. "Meda, that's not true. What happened to Bella wasn't your – "

To her utter surprise, Andromeda chuckled, and it sounded so familiar to Bellatrix' hysterical laugh, that a cold shiver ran down Cissa's spine.

"You don't have to pretend for my sake, Cissa," she said, and blonde's heart skipped a beat when she heard the use of her nickname. "But I know that you stood behind the door that fateful day. I know that you've heard everything."

Within a second, yet another memorie flashed into her mind...

Fourteen-year _old Narcissa stood in front of the large wooden doors. She didn't dare to open them. She didn't move and continued to listen to the angry voices that belonged to her sisters._

" _You cannot just leave, Andromeda!" Bella shouted furiously._

" _I am barely out of school! He can't force me to marry that – that…!"_

" _Don't be ridiculous! Of course he can!" Bella shouted. "They have already made the contract. To keep our blood as pure as possible, a daughter of the Noble House of Black is to marry Rodolphus Lestrange."_

" _But I don't love him! And I never will! I love Ted! Don't you understand, Bella?" Meda asked, angry and desperate at the same time._

" _Love is a weakness," Bellatrix replied coldly, and young Narcissa had never heard her oldest sister laugh so darkly, "Especially falling for a mudblood."_

 _This time it was Meda's turn to laugh, "Pretend all you want, Bella. We both know you are head over heels in love with the Dark Lord himself. And he has – may I remind you – a muggle as a father! You're a coward! That's the only reason why you never - "_

 _Narcissa jumped when she heard the sound of a hand slapped against a cheek._

" _I'm not a coward," Bellatrix said after a stunned silence. "Now leave."_

" _What?"Andromeda asked confused, but Narcissa could hear that she clearly tried to keep her voice and tears in control._

" _I said leave," the oldest black sister repeated harshly. "I'll take your place to marry Lestrange. Leave with that mudblood of yours. Apparently you find him worthy enough to betray your own family. Your own blood. Leave, but don't ever bother coming back, Andromeda."_

"Sometimes," Andromeda's voice once again brought her back to the present. " Sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I had stayed…"

Instinctively, Narcissa reached out and took her sister's hand in her own. The other witch looked surprised, but to the blonde's relieve, she didn't move her hand.

"You cannot change the past, Meda. But you had the strength to follow your heart. That's nothing to be ashamed of," she whispered and her heart started to beat faster when she felt her sister softly squeezing her hand.

Both sisters however turned their looks back to their fallen sister on the ground and Narcissa continued.

"What happened to Bella… the insanity and the bloodlust… I know she never cared about Rodolphus – or the other way round for the matter. But it was her own choice not to do something about her obvious _feelings_ for the Dark Lord. Over the years she had plenty of opportunities, but she never made a move."

"Do you really think that?" The blue-eyed witch asked, skeptically.

Narcissa shrugged. "I do," she simply said, and a somewhat forlorn look crossed her face.

"I have always admired you for what you did. Sometimes, I wonder what might have happened if I had left…"

This time, Andromeda turned her head to gave her little sister a small smile.

"You cannot change the past either, Cissa," Andromeda repeated the phrase she had just used and Narcissa chuckled softly. "Leaving with the red-haired muggleborn _girl_ would have been an even greater scandal. You protected what was left of our family's honor. And you were always attracted to Lucius, so I think you made a good choice."

The youngest Black sister chuckled a little hysterically. "I was attracted to Lucius, that's right. But I felt the same for Lily. And I'm still not sure if I ever really loved any of them. I probably just didn't have time for an existential crisis."

Andromeda nodded. "I had a feeling you'd say that. But you have Draco now," her voice started to tremble a little and Narcissa knew that she was thinking about her own daughter. "And you know that you love him."

"Yes, he's the only one I have ever truly loved."

A moment of silence fell over the two sisters again, but for the first time in years, it was a comforting silence. They continued staring at the lifeless bodies in front of them for a while before Andromeda's softly spoke again.

"I still love her. And I still love you," she finally whispered and tears started to form in both their eyes. "I mean, we both know that we cannot change the past, but - "

"But maybe, we can change the future," Narcissa continued, relieve floating through her in big waves and she smiled despite her tears, and squeezed her sister's hand.

"Perhaps... Perhaps we can bury Bella in the old Black Family vault…" Andromeda said somewhat hesitantly.

Narcissa knew that despite everything, Meda didn't want Bella to be buried anywhere next to her beloved daughter.

"I'd like that. I'd like that very much," Narcissa whispered and for the first time in decades, she carefully put her arm around her older sister. "To keep alive the memories of the sisters we used to be."

 **Together in all these memories  
I see your smile  
All the memories I hold dear  
Darling, you know I'll love you  
'Til the end of time**

 **All of my memories...**


End file.
